Here’s an email I got from a reader. I asked her if I could post it anonymously and she agreed. Would love to know if you experience the same things and what, if anything, we can do to make change.
I’ve been following your blog off-and-on, but lately, I find myself visiting daily. Perhaps it’s because I’m finding more and more of my experiences in the film world reflected back at me on your blog. I’ve worked with some extraordinary women in Hollywood who have paved quite a path for themselves. But as much as they’ve helped change the landscape for the women that come after them, they also do their best to bring them down. I know you touch on this a bit in your blog, and some of those very famous faces you quote say the same thing, but I think for a young woman in the film industry, trying to make a name for herself, whether it be on a studio lot, casting couch, in a production office or on a set, there is still that feeling of “there’s only one seat at the table for a woman and that seat’s going to be mine.” The camaraderie is almost non-existent.
I’ve worked in several aspects of the industry since I was a teenager. Now, in my late 20’s, I find myself even more jaded of other woman, especially those just above me. I used to love working for female bosses, I thought of many of them as my mentors, but the harder I worked, the more I was recognized, and that resulted in backlash from those women or put them on the defensive. I’m currently working on a big-budget film helmed by a female auteur, with a crew heavily tipping in favor of the double x chromosome. You would think, “yay for women!” And, at first, I had that glimmer of hope, maybe this would be different. But in fact, it’s not.
It’s disappointing and a let down. I notice woman of a certain generation are not necessarily ready, willing, and able to help pass the mantle — or even allow others the chance to earn it. We are the next generation, but yet we’re not being groomed or mentored the way our male counterparts are. As a result, we’re blowing some of our biggest chances on ego. Instead of applauding for our gender, we’re thinking of ways to undermine each other. It’s a sad state, but one that I’m confident can be righted, if there were more women reaching out or reaching down. I want to think the best of my generation. I want us to be the first to elect a female president, see higher numbers of women in CEO positions, running studios, helming everything from dramas to comedies and action flicks. I know it’s possible, it’s just a matter of finding the ones that are the real feminists, the real supporters of our gender.
I would love to hear the stories of younger women, like myself, on your blog and see what kind of ideas we can all come up with. What kind of pledges we can make to our fellow women as we rise in the ranks. I know I will continue to look behind me, not our of fear of who maybe on my heels, but to see what talented young woman I can bring with me, to stand along side me as a colleague, a feminist and a force of nature. I wish everyone thought the same way. Imagine what we could accomplish if they did.
I want to believe we can change the industry, but I’m still looking for a few good women.
I’m sorry and I know exactly what she’s talking about. PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP HOPE!!! Not all of us are like that. I love my fellow sisters and I’ll help out other gals in any way I could.
I think it’s all about competition, obviously. Some people don’t want to see you succeed, because they’re afraid of being left behind. Since women (and non-white people of color) are minorities, there’s always some kind of an underlying tension between us when it comes to competition.
Ugh.
I cried when I read this post. It’s a truth I’m very familiar with. All strength to the writer. And it made me think, again, of B Ruby Rich’s wonderful “Chick flicks” where she writes —among lots of other things— about how cinefeminism was affected by women going into academia. I believe that sisterhood is so important and hope we can find new ways to support one another in all our amazing diversity. Thank you Melissa for giving us a space to discuss these things.
I am currently a film student in L.A and I feel like the my generation is definitely willing to help each other out, and I am very grateful for it. My friend and I just started a Women’s Film Society within the film school as a way for the women in the school to connect, network, and learn from each other. It’s the first year of the organization and we already have about 25 active members. At the beginning of April we are hosting a week long focus on Women Filmmakers & Films and are really trying to bring that awareness to the film school. When working on student productions, I am usually one of no more than 3 women on set, but recently I have noticed that more women are given the opportunity by male directors to DP, AD, and Produce. More often than not, we are relegated to set dressing but end up doing most of the work. In my situation, the Women’s society has given us the opportunity to work with each other and not against each other.
I have worked in the industry for the past ten years and seen it all. There are those who are wonderfully gracious and supportive and others who are caddy and selfish. In the end, try to just focus on what you can do to help enlighten the world with your art and your efforts will be noticed. Try not to give those whose hearts have crusted over your time and energy. They are not the only ones who can help you with your career. Keep searching for the ones with the heart of gold, male or female. They’re out there. And when you find them, hold on tight and cherish them!
I appreciate what the email’s author is saying. I wonder if she’s seen the film “Searching for Debra Winger”. You’ll feel some female comraderie from Patricia Arquette, the narrator.
I feel hopeful that women direcors are becoming more visible– and when I hear voices of young actresses like Ellen Page. I hope the writer hangs in there.
I love Melissa’s blog…
I just came across a Charlie Rose interview with Guillermo Del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth), Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Babel) and Alfonso Cuaron (Children of men) http://www.charlierose.com/view/interview/81 and thought “Now there’s a model”. Three filmmakers who support each other from ideas to script to premiere and after, with challenge and laughter and loyalty, just amazing – a bit like I imagine Estelle’s Women’s Film Society is, but out there in the world. What would happen if women filmmakers decided to give one another a similar level of support? Does it ever happen? It’s worked so well for those guys who are a bit ‘different’ in Hollywood, like us—
Excellent letter, thanks for sharing. I hope women in film can do more of helping build each other up instead tearing one down. I like how Meryl Streep said at the SAGs that someone should give Viola Davis a starring role. That’s the kind of cheering on we need!
I think it is necessary to break this topic down some. I work in the high tech industry and you see the same thing. It is male dominated. But now being in my forties, I can say a few clear observations, being both “young” and now going into “older.”
1. Few people are really happy about your professional success in an competitive environment. Really. You have some people are proud to have helped you and you are in their network. You have others who like to be around influence and don’t personally cheer you on, but want to be in your reflected glory. But truth is, male or female, they aren’t your buds. You have buds, but they ain’t everyone and the people truly happy and supportive of your success – cherish them and treat them well.
2. There are women who help other women. There are also men who will not help other men. I don’t know if we can say that percentage wise, there are many more women pricks as men pricks.
There are also women who are assholes. In some ways, I’d love it if there were more egoist women pricks who got away with indulgent behavior, because it would mean in a strange way, gender didn’t matter anymore. Until then, those that are assumed to be weaker get the bullying and the stealing, and for asshole women, they will pick on other women and minorities just like assholes men do. And I agree, there is a syndrome of the one “token” seat at the table at some places of business.
3. Do not assume that an older woman will give you what is hers or be your coach because of her sex. I have been asked for help, then backstabbed by the younger woman who dug her heel in my forehead trying to reach for my job instead without any feeling or support of MY success. Many of the stories on the young feminist blogs are about younger women not being helped as they expect by other women. But because older women perhaps don’t use the internet like younger women, you don’t hear about younger women screwing older women out of something. That may be attributed to cleverness, but none the less it is tragic to the older woman that trusted her.
God bless the child who has her own. I’m willing to help you on your enterprise. Don’t try to take mine and believe I’ll be indifferent about it.