Attiya Khan is a first-time director who primarily works as an advocate and counselor for abused women and children. She has worked in women’s shelters in Canada and the United States, including running the Child and Youth Services Program at Transition House in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She has also worked at YWCA Toronto, supporting the communications and advocacy team, managing a training program on crisis intervention, and administering the December 6th Fund.

“A Better Man” will premiere at the 2017 DOC NYC film festival on November 15. The film is co-directed by Lawrence Jackman.

W&H: Describe the film for us in your own words.

AK: After 20 years, I sit down with my ex-partner Steve to discuss in detail the abuse he inflicted against me. Through our series of conversations we learn that both Steve’s life and my life were impacted by his use of violence. Steve starts to be accountable for the harm he caused and I start to heal and find justice.

W&H: What drew you to this story?

AK: I’m a counselor and advocate who has been working with women and children who have experienced domestic violence.

In my work, I have had the privilege of hearing hundreds of difficult stories from women who deserve safety, healing, and justice. I came to realize that domestic violence will not end until we provide help for people who are choosing to use violence, so they can learn how to have healthy, caring relationships.

By sitting down with Steve on camera, I hoped that our conversations could help others. For viewers, watching Steve and I discuss his use of violence is unique.

“A Better Man” has already helped to spark conversations across Canada that involve both the person being harmed and the person doing the harm.

W&H: What do you want people to think about when they are leaving the theater?

RK: I hope people will think about times they have harmed others. We have all hurt others — not necessarily in an abusive way — and have the ability to be better in our relationships with our partners, family members, colleagues, and neighbors.

I want people to think about what accountability, justice, and healing looks like for them. Our new interactive project “It Was Me,” which interviews six men who have abused a partner and are working to change their behavior and take responsibility, can help people continue to reflect on these topics.

I also hope people will think about intervention. It is a theme in the film. It’s worth thinking about what we would do if we witnessed domestic violence. Please see our website to learn more about how you can intervene — not just during an abusive incident, but either before or after it happens.

W&H: What was the biggest challenge in making the film?

AK: One would expect that the most challenging part would be having actual conversations on camera with the person who once harmed me. But this wasn’t the case.

Weeks before each shoot with Steve I’d start to get nervous. I worried that he wouldn’t show up. The thoughts surrounding this possibility kept me up at night and made me feel depressed. It was really important to me that Steve continue to participate, to be accountable. I needed this for my own healing process. All of this being said, Steve showed up every time.

W&H: How did you get your film funded? Share some insights into how you got the film made.

AK: We ran a crowdfunding campaign with Indiegogo, which was a massive success in Canada and attracted international attention. Following that, we garnered interest from the National Film Board of Canada, who became our co-producer. We were also invited by the Hot Docs International Film Festival to pitch at the Pitch Forum, which was successful in that broadcasters from around the world saw the value of this story and feedback was positive.

The funding model in Canada is very different than the United States, but it was clear to us that the subject matter and our team resonated with broadcasters and funders. In the end, we were pleased to be able to finance the film within the Canadian funding model.

W&H: What does it mean for you to have your film play at DOC NYC?

AK: DOC NYC is huge for our film! This is the U.S. premiere, and I’m honored to screen at such a prestigious festival in a city that has shown exceptional support for the film and the issue of violence against women.

The caliber of filmmaking at DOC NYC is exceptional, and it’s a deeply gratifying opportunity to partake in the screenings, conversations, and panels around the countless topics that are brought to light.

W&H: What’s the best and worst advice you’ve received?

AK: The best advice regarding the film was from singer-songwriter Leslie Feist. In the early stages of making the film, I mentioned to Leslie that I was looking for a director for the film. She told me that I had to be the one to direct “A Better Man,” especially since it was my personal story. She emphasized that if I wanted my voice to be accurately presented then I needed to be 100 percent involved in creating the story and making the final decisions. I ended up co-directing the film with Lawrence Jackman.

The worst advice regarding the film was to include stories about celebrities who have used violence, as a way of giving it more mass appeal. So many of our conversations about men who use violence are driven by stories in the media about celebrities, and other very privileged and powerful men who hurt others. I think this shapes the conversation in ways that are not always as applicable or helpful to people who are experiencing violence from a man who isn’t a public figure — and in the case of many people experiencing domestic violence, a man who lives with them.

W&H: What advice do you have for other female directors?

AK: Try to meet other women creatives who support your film and reach out to them for advice and motivation. I’m grateful to the many women directors, producers, and writers who supported me in my weakest moments during the making of the film.

As a first-time filmmaker, there were times when I needed a boost of confidence. It’s important to know who will be there for you when you really need it.

W&H: Name your favorite woman-directed film and why.

AK: I love the film “Vessel” by Diana Whitten. She captures the spirit and perseverance of Rebecca Gomperts, a doctor who provides abortions on a ship offshore. I remember watching the film and feeling hopeful. I was surprised to feel this way, especially given the challenges that Rebecca confronts.

I’m drawn towards stories directed by women about women who are helping other women. Whitten demonstrates the strength of one woman doing extraordinary things to affect change — in this case, reproductive choice.

W&H: There have been significant conversations over the last couple of years about increasing the amount of opportunities for women directors yet the numbers have not increased. Are you optimistic about the possibilities for change? Share any thoughts you might have on this topic.

AK: I think increasing opportunities for women directors is just one part of a much bigger project for our society. We need to get a lot better at listening to women, especially women who are also marginalized because of their skin colour, disability, sexuality, religion, or gender identity. So many Brown women have expressed to me how impactful it was for them to see my story onscreen — it is so different from how violence against Brown women is often represented in stories about domestic violence.

Agreeing to finance someone’s film, help them produce it, put it on television, or any other acts of support for women directors is really a form of listening and saying “I value your voice, and I think more people should hear it.”

We need to think hard about whose voices we listen to, value, and share most often. We need to think hard about whose stories, talents, and expertise we are inclined to believe in at face value, and whose we respond to more skeptically. These are things we can all do — not just those of us who make movies.