Guest Post by Charlene deGuzman
Growing up Filipino-American in the ‘80s and ‘90s, I never saw any movie stars that looked like me. I rarely saw anyone Filipino on-screen, and if I did, they almost certainly weren’t playing Filipino characters. There were no Filipino Disney princesses, Filipino superheroes, or Filipino families. Being a kid who was obsessed with movies and watched a lot of television, I was affected by their absence. I almost never saw someone who looked like me in the stories I consumed. It made me feel like I was less than, like I didn’t matter. And eventually it felt completely normalized — that this was just the way it was and would always be. I was in a constant state of longing — I wanted to be someone else.
Being Filipino, you always knew who was Filipino, and pointed it out, like some kind of proof that we really existed. Lea Salonga as the singing voice of Jasmine in “Aladdin”? Huge. Phoebe Cates, Tia Carrere, and Lou Diamond Phillips with their small but still significant percentages of Filipino blood? Groundbreaking. When Dante Basco played Rufio in the movie “Hook,” that was an important moment for Filipino-American kids everywhere. He played the coolest character in the coolest movie. It felt like we had all collectively won something.
Fortunately nowadays, Filipinos are more represented. It’s an exciting time. Vincent Rodriguez III plays the romantic lead on “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” Manny Jacinto is on “The Good Place.” Both shows have even portrayed the characters’ Filipino families and communities. To even see one Filipino person on network television play a Filipino character is amazing. To see groups of Filipinos, the culture accurately portrayed, and jokes that only Filipinos could understand — the representation helps me, and surely others — feel seen and validated in a way I’ve never felt from television before. It’s comforting.
When I was little, I learned that in The Philippines, being half white is a privilege in the entertainment industry. A lot of their biggest stars are of mixed race. Light skin and European features are ideal, and are considered the most attractive. It’s not uncommon to see actors and actresses with cosmetic surgery to slim their noses, and lighten their skin. So growing up, I always told myself: if only I weren’t so Filipino, if only I were mixed-race, I could be a star.
But no matter how light I bleached my hair or how long I could endure my painful green-colored contacts, I was brown. I was 100 percent Filipino. No, I had never seen anyone like me star in a movie. But at some point, I decided that I would try to become that person.
I realized that in order to be seen, I needed to create my own work and write my own roles. I didn’t want to audition to be the “ethnic friend” anymore. I needed to pave a path for myself if I was going to get anywhere. I drew attention to my writing by posting jokes on Twitter, and then I started making short films and posting them on YouTube.
My most popular short, 2013’s “I Forgot My Phone,” led Mark Duplass to start following me on Twitter. I sent him a DM to thank him and tell him he was my hero — he and his brother Jay’s low-budget mumblecore style was a huge reason why I wanted to be a filmmaker. He wrote back and told me to send him anything I’ve written that I wanted him to see. But I had nothing to send him. It wasn’t until I began recovery from sex and love addiction that I did.
It was a whole year later, and creativity had saved my life. I wrote a pilot based on my experiences. I sent it to Mark, and the next day he wrote back and said he wanted to meet me — he wanted to make a movie.
My intention for making “Unlovable” was to bring awareness to sex and love addiction, and to make others feel seen, and less alone. I wanted to help release the shame and stigma around addiction and sex. I wanted to bring awareness to love addiction, something that I knew in my heart people needed to know more about. I wanted to share my voice — a much-needed female perspective, and one that has experienced pain and darkness but is now in the light. I wanted to present my authentic self.
I wanted Filipino girls to be able to see me on-screen and not only have proof that being a movie star is possible — but that their voices matter and they matter. They are needed. I wanted them to know that no matter who they are, what they look like, or what has happened to them, they are worthy of love, and that love comes from within.
I wanted to present a new idea: that a Filipino woman isn’t just the “ethnic friend.” She can be the star.
Anything is possible. Not only have I now written and starred in my first feature film, but I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been, and I’m proud of who I am.
Orion Classics’ “Unlovable” is out in select theaters and is streaming on iTunes, Amazon, Google Play, and Vudu. It is directed by Suzi Yoonessi, produced by Jen Roskind, and executive produced by the Duplass Brothers. It was written by Charlene deGuzman, Sarah Adina Smith, and Mark Duplass. It stars deGuzman, John Hawkes, and Melissa Leo.
DeGuzman first garnered attention from tweeting her self-deprecating thoughts on Twitter @charstarlene. Rolling Stone named her one of the “Funniest People on Twitter Right Now.” She went on to write and star in her own short films, and her most popular one, “I Forgot My Phone,” has over 51 million views on YouTube and was featured in The New York Times, USA Today, Time, NPR, Good Morning America, Vice, and The Today Show. An advocate for self-love and bringing awareness to sex and love addiction, deGuzman speaks publicly about her recovery, and has her own advice column with FLOOD magazine.
