Paula van der Oest is a screenwriter and director. Her works have screened at film festivals around the world. She was nominated for an Oscar in the Best Foreign Language Film category for her feature film “Zus & Zo.” Her other credits include “Accused,” “The Domino Effect,” and “Black Butterflies.”

“Tonio” is the Netherlands’ submission for the 2017 Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film.

W&H: Describe the film for us in your own words.

PvdO: Six years ago, a well-known Dutch writer lost his 21-year-old son. His oeuvre is enormous — his life was always his material. After his son’s death, all of the author’s writing started to seem meaningless to him, [but he needed to keep writing to] survive, so he wrote a requiem novel for his son.

The story is raw, intense, disturbing, and consoling. The movie is an examination of love, loss, and the power of memory to sustain in a time of grief. It’s an affirmation of love between parents, a marriage, and family.

W&H: What drew you to this story?

PvdO: At first, I didn’t dare to make this film. The book it’s based on [felt] too good, too personal. Besides that, I have a son who was 18 years old at that time, [so it felt too close to home]. But at the same time I was attracted to the story. I lived together with someone who grieved for many years when his father died. We were very close, but I couldn’t really understand why it took so many years [for him to recover.] Grief is very personal, and it’s hard to share. That is a painful fact.

We live in a time where everything should be fun. If we don’t like a situation, we want to change it. We like to shape our own lives. But there is no such thing when someone you love dearly dies. It is definite and irreversible. All sense of time and space gets lost. You tumble through time. There are only memories left. Questions pop up, like “Did I really know the person I just lost?” — even when it’s your son.

It was such rich material, and it was so cinematographic. I had to make this movie.

W&H: What do you want people to think about when they are leaving the theater?

PvdO: I’m not sure I want them to think. Maybe I want them to feel. Life sucks and life is fragile, but it is worth living and loving.

W&H: What was the biggest challenge in making the film?

PvdO: Everything. The book, the theme. The actors had to go very far to play this in a credible way, so they had to involve their personal fears: They both have children. This was more or less the same for me and other crew members. It was a tough shoot.

The other challenge was I didn’t want to make a tearjerker: I wanted to make a sincere, raw movie. It was a fine line. And I didn’t want to disappoint the writer and his wife: It is their story. I also wanted to honor the book.

W&H: How did you get your film funded? Share some insights into how you got the film made.

PvdO: It’s been supported by the Dutch film fund, Dutch TV, and a TV fund. This route is quite common.

W&H: What’s the best and worst advice you’ve received?

PvdO: Worst advice: Never trust actors because they are manipulative and competitive. Nonsense! I love actors and working with actors. I only work with dedicated people. Also, as a director, you are responsible for cast and crew to feel engaged.

Best advice: Don’t live in a house that’s too expensive. That way, you won’t need to accept jobs to pay your rent or the mortgage, [and you can choose projects without worrying too much about your own finances]. I didn’t follow this advice, I’m afraid. But I’m a happy director so far.

W&H: What advice do you have for other female directors?

PvdO: Work hard and don’t give up. Don’t try to be a man. Work from the inside out: You need to really want to make the movie you’re going to make, and not because you want to be rich and famous. Only make movies you are willing to dedicate yourself to for 100 percent.

Be prepared to make some sacrifices. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Don’t let anyone tell you that directing is a man’s job — that’s complete bullshit.

W&H: Name your favorite woman-directed film and why.

PvdO: Difficult question. But I think my favorite director is Agnes Jaoui, who directed “The Taste of Others” and “Look at Me.” She makes the kind of comedies I like: sensitive, funny, and wry with great performances from the actors. Her films are intelligent and moving.

W&H: What does it mean to have you film included in the Academy long list for a foreign language Oscar?

PvdO: I consider it an acknowledgement of my talent as a director. It’s an honor. And maybe it will offer me the possibility to work abroad, where I could work with new actors and producers.

W&H: Have you seen opportunities for women filmmakers increase over the last year due to the increased attention paid to the issue? If someone asked you what you thought needed to be done to get women more opportunities to direct, what would be your answer?

PvdO: In my country, it is not an issue. I’ve worked as a director for 25 years and I have a lot of female colleagues. More than 30 percent of the directors are women. I can’t tell whether the increased attention for this topic will help women directors.

Last week I was in Hollywood and noticed that more producers are interested in working with female directors, so I guess [the attention has made a difference.]