Guest Post by Jen Ponton
As an actress taking on your first lead role in a movie, there are a lot of things you need to be prepared to do: show up every day, be a good leader, know what you’re doing, and “act well.” As a plus-size actress in a plus-unfriendly market, being the lead was something I never expected to encounter — let alone stripping down for sex scenes opposite my co-star. This was the exciting and terrifying position in which I found myself when I booked the lead role of Franny Peterson in the indie feature “Love on the Run.”
I fell in love with the script (by Stacy Thal and Jessica Anya Blau) immediately. Franny was lovable, upbeat, generous, and full of hope for a better tomorrow. Even more importantly, her lines were miraculously devoid of self-deprecating remarks, body-shaming, or diminishing her self-worth. In fact, almost nothing she said even referred to her weight or her size — despite the fact that, as a size 22, my unlikely presence as a romantic lead was going to be quite noticeable. As I got towards the end, I saw that Franny had a sex scene. I resisted the white-hot urge to panic, made a mental note and moved on.
Whether it wanted to or not, our little road-movie-rom-com was going to be a bold political statement. Unfortunately, we’re in a time where just being a woman is a political statement. Let alone a fat woman. Let alone a fat woman in a movie; a fat woman in a movie who loves herself; oh, and a fat woman in a movie who loves herself and is also loved and desired by other people. “Love on the Run” was about to make a “!” in bold Sharpie all across body positivity and feminism in the industry.
Frankly, I was game. I had been waiting for this day for years. It made me crazy that all fat, female characters were hopeless, despondent, crazy or entirely self-loathing (or a distressing combination of all of the above). Why weren’t we seeing them truly embrace themselves, and why weren’t we seeing them in love? I wanted to be the actress I needed when I was younger, when Tracy Turnblad was the only romantic, confident leading lady of size that could be seen…period. Even better, I wanted to be the next Tracy, who didn’t even act like her size was a big deal. How powerful would it be to see a woman on-screen, at a 20 or 24 or a 30, who was self-possessed and living a full, vibrant life just as she was?
The morning we shot the scene, my hands were freezing and my heart was pounding. I’d done art modeling — hell, I’d been naked in Herald Square in front of hundreds of people! — but this intimate, romantic scene that made me desirable scared the tar out of me. I was ice cold and shaking like a leaf. My trusted co-star, Steve Howey, was soothing and reassuring, as was everyone in the room. Our producer, Amy, took me aside, “You know we’re not playing this for laughs, right?” The 7th-grader inside me narrowed her eyes. “This is supposed to be beautiful, full of genuine desire for you and empowerment and love.” After what felt like an eternity, I was dressed again. No one was waiting in the wings to make fun of me or take advantage of me; I finally knew that.
This movie is inherently political, and so am I, as a person and as an actress. I can run from it or embrace it, and I’ve chosen to do the latter. I’ve been on the other side of this coin, and there’s really nothing worse than feeling unwelcome in your own skin — wishing you could be someone else, wishing you could shrink, disowning yourself and your body. I learned that I had an option when I found other women of size — for the first time in my life — whose mission was to boldly and unreservedly love themselves just as they were. When others can hold up a mirror and we can heal, that is powerful as hell. I want to do what so many other amazing women have done for me, and shine that mirror out to all who need it.
Jen Ponton stars alongside Frances Fisher, Steve Howey and Annaleigh Ashford in “Love on the Run,” which is now available on Amazon, iTunes, and many other VOD and digital platforms. She can also be seen this September on NBC’s ‘The Blacklist.’
