Asia Dér graduated as a documentary director from the DOC Nomads MA program. Her graduation film was nominated for the best short film at the Hungarian Film Festival. She is working on her second feature length documentary, “I Haven’t Died,” about a middle-aged man who is aiming to face his true self after surviving pancreatic cancer. She and her films have appeared at Zagreb Dox Pro, DOCCIRCLE, and the Docu Rough Cut Boutique.
Sári Haragonics graduated from the University of Theatre and Film Arts, Budapest with an MA in documentary film directing. Her graduation film, “Coming Face To Face,” won the ZOOM-IN competition at the Verzio International Documentary Festival in 2015. She is now working on her personal documentary feature, “Don’t Worry, Sári!” about the absence of mothers in her family and how that is affecting their family dynamics.
“Her Mothers” was scheduled to screen at the 2020 Hot Docs Canadian International Film Festival. A digital version of the fest has been organized due to the COVID-19 pandemic. “Love & Stuff” is screening in Hot Docs Festival Online, which launched May 28 and is geo-blocked to Ontario, Canada. More information about the program and how to tune in can be found here.
W&H: Describe the film for us in your own words.
SH: It is a film about motherhood, and it explores the following questions: What does family mean? What is the process of finding our roles in our family, and through that, our roles in life?
AD: The film is about motherhood and forming a family. A question that interests me is what forms the picture of how we see ourselves, and what happens in those moments where we question our identity — like, in the case of “Her Mothers,” becoming a parent, and how Nora and Virag contemplated their identities as new parents with thoughtful resolve.
W&H: What drew you to this story?
SH, AD: We met a Hungarian gay couple in Norway, who moved there with their adopted child. They told us that most of the rainbow families leave Hungary the moment their adoptions come through because of the hostile atmosphere.
In Hungary, rainbow families officially don’t exist, although there must be around 700 families like that. When we met Nóra and Virág, and learned how strongly and patiently they are working on creating a family together, we knew immediately that we had to tell their story.
W&H: What do you want people to think about after they watch the film?
SH: I would be extremely happy if the film generated discussions about the subject it’s addressing. In that sense, we would say we have three goals with the film: firstly, to plant the seed into more conservative mindsets and offer a glimpse into a life of a rainbow family, showing how similar their struggles and happy moments are in comparison to a heterosexual couple. Secondly, to encourage people who want to adopt as same-sex couples in conservative countries like Hungary, and to let them know that it is possible and worth the work, and to go for it. Thirdly, whether you are gay or heterosexual, it is a journey to think about our roles in the family, and our relationship to our parents, kids, and partners.
AD: I’d be very happy if the audience would question their own stereotypes after watching the film. We wanted to be transparent in showcasing Virág and Nóra’s difficulties, and not just the happy moments. Just because these are two women, life isn’t different. There isn’t a right or wrong way of having a family or being a parent.
W&H: What was the biggest challenge in making the film?
SH&AD: Working completely without funding can make the long shooting period very difficult at times. In the first two to five years of making this film, we didn’t manage to raise any funding, so we had to work on the side to make ends meet. We made it to completion, but we don’t recommend working this way.
W&H: How did you get your film funded? Share some insights into how you got the film made.
SH&AD: We did finally manage to raise some funding. After our first year of filming, we won the pitch forum at Zagreb Dox Pro, and through that win received the HBO Adria Award for €2000 [about 2200 USD] . That was our only secured amount of funds in three years, and we spent it on equipment. We started editing with a friend who volunteered her time and managed to get the first 20 minutes of the film done.
After that, we received a private fund of $2000 from the US, which allowed us to bring in editor Flóra Erdélyi. What was going to be a month with Flóra ended up being four intense months. It was after this that we got the news we were receiving a Sundance Institute DFP Post-production grant.
Once we picture locked the film, HBO Europe got on board and helped us finish the film to the level of quality we were aiming for.
W&H: What inspired you to become a filmmaker?
SH: I think it’s something I inherited. My grandfather and my mother both wanted to be directors, but both ended up doing something different — my grandfather ended up in prison after 1956 and my mum taught literature. So I was left here fulfilling their dreams. Maybe this is part of the reason I am mostly interested in family life and family dynamics. For me, filmmaking and the camera is a catalyst that helps me create something new, talking about something on an abstract level and connecting people with each other.
AD: Making documentaries is the most natural way for me to connect with people I’m excited about and explore questions that haunt me.
W&H: What’s the best and worst advice you’ve received?
SH: The best advice came from my dramaturgy teacher, Éva Schulze. It was about how personal and private are not the same. Make a personal film, but it can’t be private. People cannot connect to private, but personal has a universal meaning.
I think the only bad advice I had was when an experienced tutor told me that I should get rid of what I thought was a very stylistic moment in my graduation film. He said it didn’t work, and I should change it. I truly believed in it, and thank God I found the strength in me to not change it. Tutors can distract you, especially if you are a first-time filmmaker. So we all need to persevere in what we believe in.
AD: I honestly can’t remember any bad advice — maybe because I forget them instantly. One of my teachers, Margarida Cardoso, kept saying that documentary filmmaking is all about “disposition.” How the director thinks, and sees the world, and connects us with the protagonists — these are all elements that are shown in the film you make. This is not something you should hide — quite the opposite. This gives the essence of documentaries. I only understand now, after finishing my first film, what she really meant.
W&H: What advice do you have for other female directors?
AD: I was at a discussion once about women in the film industry. There was a long talk about how women are oppressed and getting less money than men.
Then a lady stood up from the audience, the head of a fund for documentaries in Germany. She said men always ask for the maximum money allowed, as opposed to women, who ask for the minimum, which many times is clearly not enough for their film. The lady looked at all the women in the room and said: “I want to give you more money, but I can’t give more then you ask for, so please ask for more money. Let’s stop oppressing ourselves.”
W&H: Name your favorite woman-directed film and why.
SH: To be honest, it doesn’t matter whether a film is made by a man or a woman. If I have to name a female director, it would be Alina Marazzi, an Italian director. Her documentary “For One More Hour With You” is very gentle telling about her mother’s life, illness, and death. I love when film is used as a tool to remember someone or to help in processing something. I felt that with both of Alina’s films. As for a narrative example, I think “We Need To Talk About Kevin” by Lynne Ramsay made the biggest impact on me.
AD: Usually I don’t care if a film is made by a man or a woman; what is important is the honest point of view. One of my favorite female directors is Helena Třeštíková. The enormous patience and sensitivity with which she portrays anyone helps me to understand and accept the world around me. But to name a narrative film, Leave No Trace” by Debra Granik. I saw it two years ago, but some scenes keep appearing in my mind.
W&H: How are you adjusting to life during the COVID-19 pandemic? Are you keeping creative, and if so, how?
SH: My life didn’t change that much. I still have a lot of things to finish from the past, and I try to spend more time on my Doctoral Research. What has changed is that I cook almost every day, which I love. We have a countryside garden with a small cabin where we and our neighbors built the drainage system with our own hands. It was very tiring, but also a lot of fun and great team-building.
AD: My life hasn’t changed that much, but as the world slowed down around me, I had to realize that I can’t stop. So I’m consciously trying to define limits for myself, and to practice relaxing and slowing down. Besides working on my next film, I’m knitting a lot, going out with my dog, and reading. Also, we renovated my boyfriend’s basement by ourselves, which I’m super proud of.
